carry that weight [open]

The sun had begun to climb in the sky, illuminating the dew-tipped grass in it's light, casting her shadow across the ground as she forced herself to continue moving. A cool wind blew through her fur, offsetting her rising temperature as she had no escape from the sun. The familiar dip of the camp caught her eyes and relief flowed through her, before dread quickly overtook it- she would now have to explain everything to her clanmates, the unbelievable story she was stuck playing on a loop in her head. If only I could share my memories, Heronstar thought bitterly, before it was overwhelmed by sadness. How am I meant to do this without you? she thought, not even really sure if the you was for Brindlestar or her father, Grayfrost.

Feeling as if she was about to collapse, the new WindClan leader stumbled through the gorse barrier, wondering for a moment if any trace of Brindlestar's fur could be found caught on the sharp flora. Shaking her head, Heronstar fought to keep her paws from scraping on the ground, instead raising her head high and attempting to clear the fog from her brain, feeling like she had just fallen straight from the sky itself. You need to call a meeting, something more rational spoke within her, and the molly stretched out each sore leg before bounding to the top of Tallrock, looking down on the clan like she had so many times before. Except this time it was different. This time it felt wrong. Swallowing the bile that quickly rose in her throat, she took a deep breath in preparation.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather underneath Tallrock for a clan meeting!" Heronstar called, voice strong despite her inner turmoil. As she waited for the clan to gather, she prepared her next words carefully.

Camp was quiet, almost abnormally so in spite of the early hour. The constant chilly breeze over the moor spoke of the coming leafbare and, even still snuggled in his nest, Willowblossom curled tightly on himself to ward off the cold. His short, blue-grey fur not particularly well suited for keeping warm. He knew he should get up soon to get started on the day, maybe go hunting and chase some rabbits to warm up, but, on this particular day, he couldn't summon the willpower to just move.

When Heronfeather's call for a clan meeting broke the silence, Willowblossom sighed. Finally dragging himself from the warmth of his nest. What in Starclan's name is this about? he idly pondered. It was incredibly rare for a meeting to be called so early in the day, especially by Heronfeather. Brindlestar would be the more likely culprit given the need for a clan meeting at odd hours would likely have an important cause. Maybe Thornpaw wandered off and actually joined Riverclan this time? Regardless, a clan meeting had been called.

Willowblossom stretched, long limbs a bit stiff from a long nights' rest, before padding out of the warrior's den and making his way towards Tallrock. Brindlestar was nowhere to be seen. He took his place, in the slowly gathering crowd, wrapping his whip-thin tail neatly over his paws, eager to hear what this whole thing was about.

Bunnypaw lifted her head from her grooming at Heronfeather's call. Is it another apprentice ceramony? Or maybe a warrior ceramony. Better go check it out. Bunnypaw figured that she should learn more about the happenings of camp. Plus it could be something important. Bunnypaw padded over to beneath the tallrock and looked up at Heronfeather.

Mistyheart let out a small yawn as she emerged from her nest. The call of Heronflight shook her awake, although she didn't mind it much. She wanted to start waking up earlier anyways. Peeking across the camp, she saw Heronflight on top of the Tallrock while her clanmates crowded beneath. It wasn't often she would question a clan meeting, but this was quite early and seemed pretty important. Stretching out her back legs, she swiftly padded across the clearing and took a seat next to Bunnypaw. Like normal, she just looked up to Heronflight and awaited the announcement. Despite how she tried ignoring it, she saw some sort of emotion in the eyes of the deputy- she couldn't tell exactly what, but she could see that it wasn't very good. Come to think of it, she did notice that the she-cat has left the night before. Perhaps that had something to do with it? Deciding it wasn't her business, she brushed it off and paid attention.

Cold blue-grey eyes flickered to Heronfeather, taking in the she-cat. Something about the molly, one of the cats Rimefang had known longest, felt off. A cold chill prickled down his spine, all the way to the tip of his dark tail. The warrior found himself praying to StarClan that he was just overanalyzing something that wasn't there, and it was just another apprentice ceremony. Stars, if they ever trained all of the apprentices before he croaked it would be a miracle.

Hesitant paws took him to the gathering crowd of his Clanmates, and the steadily growing pit of anxiety in his chest continued to gnaw at his heart. Rimefang had never been an optimist, and in the back of his mind he cursed his father for it. The Tallrock loomed above him, the rising sun silhouetting his denmate against the sky, giving the petite she-cat an ethereal appearance. Windstar help me, he thought, knowing that the sight before him would be imprinted in his mind forever.

Cloudpaw's head raised from his nest, his eyesight bleary from sleep. A clan meeting? So early in the morning? He shook out his long white fur to wake himself. With the rest of his similarly confused Clanmates he moved to sit below the Tallrock. Why was Heronfeather so... tired? And disheveled? Had she slept? Was she even in camp at all? 'Why isn't Brindlestar holding the meeting? Is she off somewhere?' Their leader had, admittedly, been acting rather strangely as of late, and sometimes made seemingly nonsensical decisions. He focused his concerned yellow eyes on his friend, waiting for her to speak.

Dashfoot, recently named, quickly came forward at the call of their deputy. The pale light of day cast shadows across camp in the most luminous way. There were no cats below with a knowing smile across their maw, indicative of a coming ceremony. An inquisitive look crossed her maw as she glanced around seeking answers. But it seemed her clanmates were all resigned to their own curious thoughts. Twin pools of amber light started up at Heronfeather and her tail tip flickered slowly back and forth as she waited for the announcement to begin.
_______

Yewpaw from the shallow scoop in the earth that comprised the medicine cat den. There was a tiny berry gripped between his teeth, a natural sight. He'd taken up carrying them to bat between his paws. It made it easier to pretend he was paying attention to announcements, a feat that had grown harder with his increasingly blurry vision from a mixture of sampling various herbs. The fact he possessed the knowledge of a medicine cat made it easier to avoid personal sickness; the tabby stashed away the more appealing of medicines. It was a good thing there hadn't been too many injuries as of late. A dreamy, contented smile crossed his maw as he settled down onto his stomach and glanced up at Heronfeather. There was a brief flicker of concern as he noted her expression but it floated away over the diluted thoughts.

Eagleblaze had made it his priority to visit every clan meeting, to gain respect as well as the knowledge of the clan. Plus, when Brindlestar was no longer a "star", he could possibly be named deputy. Of course, this could just be an apprentice ceremony, but maybe he would become a mentor! His brown tail settled over his paws as he gazed up with undeniable interest and a hint of hope in his eyes.

Tension and exhaustion weighed heavily on the lithe frame of Shrikecall, angular features creased sharply under the strain of a more intimate knowledge than what was current threaded between his Clanmates. In a manner resembling Heronfeather's frantic flight in pursuit of Brindlestar into the late hours of evening, he had certainly followed suit without a shadow of a doubt in his hasty steps; spending the remaining twilight combing the rolling hills in a futile search for a sign, voice chafed raw under the stress of his unanswered shrieks. Retreating further into himself, perched within the cool shade offered by the gorse barrier, the blotched tom's gaze was flavored with some unknowable mixture of grief and accusation, the soft touch of rage weighted heavily in the lines of his features complementary to the grief shadowing his former mentor's face.

Whereas his Clanmates seemed content to idle at the prospect of some supposedly pointless little meeting, Shrikecall appeared to be thoroughly prepared for war; fully intent on shooting the messenger right before him.

At the call from Tallrock, Featherstep’s round head and even rounder eyes appeared in the entrance of the nursery. The young warrior had spent much of his recent free time lingering there. His kits were soon to be born, afterall, and he was eager to meet them when they finally came. But Heronflight’s call seemed important— he could feel it deep down under his thick fur— and the tom silently slipped into the crowd alongside Dashfoot.

A hard lump wedged itself in Heronstar's throat as her clan began to pool at her feet, apprentices and warriors alike looking up at her with nothing short of excitement and the expectation of a ceremony; an expectation that would be sorely dashed and scattered to the wind. She thought about how dishevelled she must be currently looking-- fur kinked up in odd directions and dirtied from her time at the Moonstone and desperately following her former leader, eyes bleary with exhaustion and anguish. Heronstar did not have the look of a molly who was just gifted nine lives, she looked like an abandoned kit; one that had witnessed the death of a parent and was expected to just go on. I can't do this, was a resounding thought as bile began to rise in her throat, and she swallowed hard, realising most of the clan had gathered and was looking at her with anticipation.

"As... As most of you are aware, Brindlestar has been ill lately. After the snake attack, she's been growing steadily more and more frail. I just thought it would take a life and she would come back to us, strong as ever." Bitterness lay in her voice, and she had to pause to swallow the lump that was forming in the back of her throat once more. "But... this wasn't the case. As some of you might have seen, she left camp last night. I followed her out, there was blood splattered across the grass where she had been walking and the ground was torn up like she had gotten into a fight. I kept calling after her but it was like she couldn't hear me, she just kept going further away, into thick fog. When I finally caught up to her she was..." Heronstar trailed off, staring at her paws. How was any of this plausible? Who could believe her? Just get on with it, something inside her hissed, and she straightened back up. "She was gone. It was almost like the sky itself had come down to take her. Her pawsteps and scent had stopped in place, she was gone." The mottled she-cat's voice shook, tears trailing down her cheeks once more.

"I looked, I went around and around in circles, but there was nothing. I... I didn't know what to do. I went to the Moonstone to seek guidance from our ancestors but even they didn't know-- still don't know. She isn't in StarClan, and she's not in the Dark Forest. But," Another sharp inhale could be heard as she steadied herself against the oncoming anguish from the clan, "They know she's dead. Whatever took her took all nine of her lives and left no trace of her," Heronstar had to fight to keep her voice clear and steady, but her heart gained another crack and she breathed out shakily as more tears cascaded down her face. Do I tell them? Tell them that I'm now Heronstar? Right after announcing Brindlestar is dead? Her thoughts grew too loud for her head, and she gritted her teeth against the physical and emotional pain she was in.

"Because I was already there, they told me we couldn't waste any time. They said WindClan needs a leader, and that life must go on despite the loss of Brindlestar." There was no other conclusion one could come to with that being said, however the former deputy steeled herself in preparation of saying it, tension gathered in every muscle. "I received my nine lives, and my new name. I am now Heronstar," In place of the pride that should have exuded from the molly, a sense of defeat existed, and she felt her legs growing weaker under her. Everything had begun to blur and she felt as if she would fall off the Tallrock any moment, but she knew that she had to remain. There would be questions, far too many that would remain without an answer, but she had to try. It was all she could do.

Willowblossom's brow furrowed in disbelief as Heronfeatherstar spoke. Brindlestar was dead? Just gone without a trace? It was incredibly hard to believe. He tipped his head questionly, ears half laid back when she finally finished. Incredibly hard to believe especially given Heronstar's current appearance. Fur ruffled and messy, generally just haggard and unkempt. Like she'd been in a fight. Sure, maybe Brindlestar had been frail from illness. But even then she should have still had enough lives to put up a decent fight...

He stood up, rising to his full height, slim tail flicking slowly. "Yeah, sure, that certainly sounds believable," he snarked, lip curling as he spoke. "Seems pretty convenient that Brindlestar just wanders off while being sick and just..." he paused almost dramatically, "disappears without a trace." He snorted. "And then you just show up looking like... that." Willowblossom's eyes flicked over Heronstar disdainfully. One would have thought she'd at least put some effort into cleaning herself up before calling a clan meeting to announce Brindlestar was dead.
"Just find that... A bit hard to believe is all. Since it certainly looks like something very different went down than what you're claiming..." He trailed off, leaving the implied accusation to sit in the air.

Featherstep listened attentively to Heronfeather-- no, Heronstar, he realized as she continued to speak. Brindlestar was gone. Quite literally so. He bowed his head as the news of his old mentor’s disappearance-- and death-- began to sink in. Then Willowblossom broke the silence that followed Heronstar’s story with his unsubtle accusation. He turned towards his denmate, already large eyes widening even further in surprise.
“Willowblossom, how could you say that?” He blurted out, rising quickly to his paws. Featherstep looked between his denmate and his new leader and furrowed his brow. Heronstar looked like a cat in mourning; it was plain to see, at least to him. She had no wounds and there was no scent of blood, fresh or otherwise. “Heronfe-- Heronstar was as loyal to Brindlestar as any cat could’ve been!” He objected, tilting his head back to look up at the lightening sky overhead. “Besides, strange things do happen…”

Rimefang's eyes grew wider with each word that fell from Heronstar's mouth as unwillingly as her position had changed. Gone? Disbelief curled into his very soul, the pit of anxiety that had been in his chest consuming his entire body with numbness. A dull ringing filled his ears for a moment, the tom shaking his whole pelt to gather himself. At Willowblossom's words, his lips curled before he could stop himself. "How dare you," the tom snarled. "Read the atmosphere. Do you honestly think that our deputy, who effectively ran the clan by herself for moons, would murder a cat that may as well have raised her just for a power grab?"

He spit at the younger warrior's paws. "You know nothing. StarClan would not have granted her lives if she was not worthy of them. Stay in your lane, kit." The warrior was standing at his full height, claws sunk into the dirt, ears laid flat against his head and tail bushed out in abject fury. The only thing keeping him from outright attacking the other cat was honor alone.

Heronstar. Heronfeather was now Heronstar. Bunnypaw was shocked. Brindlestar looked so healthy. But then again it, Bunnypaw hadn't been paying too much attention. Bunnypaw glanced over to Mistyheart. How would she take the news? Brindlestar was her mother after all.

Bunnypaw put her tail on Mistyheart's shouldier before glaring over at Willowblossom. "Do you think Heronstar would lie? Do you not see her right now? That is what a cat looks like when their grieving you foxheart." Bunnypaw hissed to the warrior. If she hadn't known any better, Bunnypaw would've attacked Willowblossom.

Willowblossom felt the glares of the vast majority of the clan fall on him before he'd even finished speaking. Naturally everyone would jump to Heronstar's defense immediately and unquestioningly. Which, he supposed, is what a clan should do for their leader. It certainly wasn't the kind of thing anyone would like to accept. And given Heronstar's time running the clan prior to Brindlestar's... death? Disappearance. Sure, it was unlikely, but always good to consider every possibility. It was always impossible to tell what anyone else was ever really thinking.

Blatantly ignoring the chorusing protests of his clanmates, he glanced back to Heronstar. Really, if she'd just cleaned herself up a little prior to the meeting it wouldn't look so suspicious. Though at the same time... if she were trying to hide such a crime, one would have expected her to clean up...

Willowblossom's ears flattened as his former mentor rounded on him furiously. "I never said she murdered Brindlestar." He growled petulantly, tail lashing.

He glared at Rimefang but, instead of picking a fight, abruptly turned away. "Not that it would even matter," he muttered to himself, though still loud enough it could be overheard by those close to him, "Heronstar is leader now so whatever she says goes." He sat again, facing Tallrock, wrapping his tail neatly over his paws and deliberately ignoring everyone else.

To say the least, Mistyheart didn't expect any bit of what was coming next. She wasn't really expecting anything, but this was far from what she wanted to hear. "T-tell me it can't be true." For once the she-cat seemed to clearly show sentiment, nothing was hidden. Her eyes were opened wide with something that was a mix between fear, surprise, and disbelief; two round pools of pure emotion. Her legs felt weak. None of it was making sense. What did she mean, "dead?"  How could her mother be dead? Brindlestar had been sick, but... what Heronstar was saying didn't add up.

A numb feeling overtaking her, she stared at her paws, mind racing. The words of the other cats around her had faded to inaudible blurs, the only thing she could hear were her own thoughts. "What am i... What am i going to do?" The words came out as whispers. She wasn't yet fully registering what was going on, all she knew in that moment was desperation. A desperate feeling to find out what had really happened, to prove her mother was okay. Facing up toward Heronstar, she looked at the leader with pleading eyes. "How could you have followed her and not known where she went? There's no way she just... vanished, right? She has to still be out there somewhere, we have to go look for her or-" She was stopped when she felt Bunnypaw rest her tail on her shoulder. Her wide, tear-filled eyes flashed toward the apprentice. Without a second thought, Mistyheart leaned her head on Bunnypaw's shoulder, grateful the she-cat was there for her to turn to.

"Heronstar! Heronstar! Heronstar!" Yewpaw threw his head back, yowling delightedly through the haze. It took a few moments before he realized the other shouts and growls weren't praise for their newfound leader. A sheepish grin crossed his maw as he scanned the clearing. It took even longer for it to sink in that Brindlestar was gone, dead. When it crossed his mind, the tom laid his chin onto his paws with a soft humming. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the tabby found himself grieving for the leader he'd come to enjoy. Air escaped the sides of his maw and disappeared like the sizzling words of his clanmates into the leafbare breeze.

Down the bridge of his nose, the medicine cat stared at the berry he'd carried along. One claw dug into the delicate flesh and a thin trickle of juices leaked into the dirt. With half an ear, Yewpaw listened to the words tossed carelessly about. Why did some cats have to have only part of a brain? It was exhausting to listen to such meaningless chatter when he could hardly keep up. Tail flickering with agitation the tom finally hauled himself onto his paws with a low, sarcastic bought of laughter bubbling up in his lungs, "Yeah, Mistyheart, go find the body for us. Let me know what you find. Why not have a chat with Starclan too while you're at it! I'm sure the all-knowing ancestors would have a reason for giving lives to a murder and a liar." As the words drifted from his maw, the chortling became unbearable until he was rolling on the ground.

After a moment or two, the tom seemed to be satisfied with himself and he rose to his paws, heading back to the medicine den and leaving the berry behind.

It was as if the molly had returned back to her first venture out of camp with Brindlestar-- Brindleface at the time--, a cold numbness spurred from what felt to be gale force winds making her desperately want to flatten her mottled body onto the stone beneath. Implied accusations from Willowblossom stung, but more cats piped up in her defence than against her, and Heronstar felt her throat closing up once more with the harsh wave of emotion that crashed over her. I didn't try hard enough to find Brindlestar, I do not deserve their loyalty, she thought as her whiskers quivered and she raised her head in an attempt to fight back further tears. It seemed that for the moment her best course of action was to stay silent, an exhausted half-lidded gaze overseeing the internal arguments of her clan.

As she prepared to say something, Mistyheart spoke up, and Heronstar felt a shiver pass through her body as she recognised the look of grief plastered on the young warrior's face as it mirrored her own. Brindlestar will pull through, the leader had said at the warriors naming ceremony, a promise that she had so naively made despite her own doubts, and one that now haunted her as she met Mistyheart's eyes. Her mouth opened and closed, the words she so desperately needed to say refusing to leave the confines of her throat, and once more she was interrupted, this time by her son.

Horror spread across her face as he had cheered her name, and now dread lodged itself firmly into each of her paws as he giggled and spouted nonsense, before rolling around in manic laughter. Does he... does he have the moon sickness too? Heronstar thought, staring at him with wide eyes before looking at the rest of the clan, knowing she had to say something now.

"Willowblossom, as much as what you have said pains me, your concerns are not without their merit. I would never harm Brindlestar, she was the closest thing I ever had to a mother, and a cat I would have sooner died than let harm come to. If I could exchange my life for hers, I would in a heartbeat," She choked up once more, and felt annoyance well up in her chest that she could barely speak a sentence before being gripped with the need to cry. "However, you will receive no further punishment from me or the clan-- Your concern only shows your loyalty to the clan and it's safety." Heronstar took a deep breath, looking at Brindlestar's daughter, a warrior she had named. "And Mistyheart I... I'm so sorry. I looked, I don't know how it happened but she was completely gone by the time I got to her. If you would ever like to go to where I last saw her, I will take you there myself. You deserve a chance to mourn her," Heronstar had grown quiet, wondering just how to address Yewpaw's behaviour. Not yet, the molly told herself, clearing her throat once more.

"That offer goes for anyone in the clan, as we cannot have a proper burial, I would like to honour her memory by returning to the place she was last seen with any member in the clan who would like to come. She was our leader; she was one of the greats and will forever be remembered in WindClan's history as the brave molly she was, and for the love she had for our clan." Heronstar was relieved that her voice hadn't broken, and a fresh sprig of hope grew in her at the offer. I will never let WindClan forget about you, wherever you are, the leader vowed, raising her head to sky momentarily.

"As for what Yewpaw just said, I implore you to ignore him. What he said is not a representation of this clan, or of what StarClan truly is and believes. While he is my son I assure you that no cat can say something like that and expect to get away with it, medicine cat or not. I am asking you to let me handle him, and if after a few days you believe I haven't gained control over the behaviours he's exhibiting, I will allow you to voice your concerns." She took in a deep breath, needing to say one last thing before she left her podium above the clan.

"I know I am not Brindlestar, and I know this will be a harsh change for our clan to deal with coming into Leafbare. But I have been your deputy and a loyal warrior of WindClan for many moons, and I do not plan to ever differ from this or do something that will put our clan in harms way. I am loyal to all of you first, and I will be for all of my nine lives. Unless someone else has something they desperately need to say, this meeting is over. I will be organising the patrol to say goodbye to Brindlestar soon, if you would like to come, see me after." With that she waited for a few heartbeats, a necessary pause in case of a member of the clan needing to speak up.

"Did you summon us here for a pity party, meant to wept over your vapid nonsense, Heronfeather?" There was a clearcut challenge interwoven into Shrikecall's vicious outcry, delicate threads of rage twisting together into a terrifying knot of violent disbelief- painfully unbelieving of his former Mentor's words. Head giving a violent shake as though to relay his utter disregard and pretentious distaste for his Clanmates in the heat of the unfurling moment, the lapsing silence that greeted his outraged inquiry served only to urge his exasperated lips to curl back upon pristine, cruel teeth. Claws, still overly tender at the staggering exertion they had undergone during the frantic flight and subsequent search, shifted angrily through the autumn dry earth, scoring jagged, uneven lines. If the witless lot of his Clanmates were content with believing whatever was carefully fed to them, then that was the cross they were burdened with carrying- but to immediately wail and lash their tails at any sort of subsequent inquiry? They had turned away from everything they had sworn to protect, yet he was the villain?

A tensed strain coiled within his flexing extremities, surging with an irrational dismay as his head bowed forward. A profuse stinging burned behind his lids as he glared down at the earth, unwilling to meet sorrowful gazes of his younger littermates sprawled about in the crowd.

"You say that she was like a mother to you, and yet you immediately gave up the search when it was no longer of convenience to you- you immediately turned up your nose the moment it became more difficult. And now you mean to tell us that she simply vanished? Not a trace of her between heaven and earth, that they simply... lost Brindlestar?" Shrikecall spat, acidic words accented by the thin stream of spittle currently webbed between his bared canines. Pallid rage curled within the depths of his pale eyes, accusatory gaze weighted with the fiery conviction of one who simply could not accept loss. "If that's how you believe family should behave, well.. it's no wonder that your child is shrieking like a demented rabbit trapped under rockfall." A small, jagged stone went arcing in the direction of the clearly unstable Yewpaw, colliding roughly with the young tabby's ribs as though that would do anything more than likely confuse the young Medicine Cat Apprentice.

Heavy tail lashing in a secondary display of heightening rage, as well as his overtly pronounced spine curling skywards in a physical manifestation of his rapidly gathering disdain with Heronfeather, Shrikecall let out a wordless snarl before hurling himself several pawsteps forward towards the awaiting embrace of the gorse barrier, clearly unwilling to hear of the details regarding his mother's funeral. "A Medicine Cat who spends every waking moment tending to another Clan, a Medicine Cat Apprentice who froths at the mouth like a fox caught by the throat in a trap, and a Leader who couldn't even bear to spend one full night searching for her predecessor. At least you're surrounded by adequate company, Heronfeather."