it'd be better to forget you (but i don't really want to)

When Coal blinked open her amber eyes, she was briefly confused upon processing that the walls surrounding her were made of stone, and that the smell in her nose was primarily of pine needles. It took her a moment of blinking and a paw rubbed over her eyes before she remembered that she was in SkyClan. She curled around her kits a little tighter, grooming all four of them before getting to her feet and stretching. Her stomach lurched as she stood, and it dawned on her that she hadn't eaten before she'd fallen asleep. "I'm going to get some food," she murmured to them, careful not to disturb any other cats in the nursery. "Come with me if you're hungry."

The she-cat padded out of the nursery warily, unable to fully relax in what her brain still regarded as enemy territory. She paused next to the fresh-kill pile; while she was considered a queen so long as she had kits in the nursery, it did not sit well with her to eat the food of another Clan without contributing. I'll have to ask Silverstar if I am allowed to hunt for them, she thought to herself, frowning. She took a small bird gingerly between her jaws before padding to sit back outside of the nursery to wait for her kits. It had been a long time since she'd had a bird, as they were caught infrequently in ShadowClan, but it was admittedly her favorite. I hope Flashkit gets to try bird some day, she thought idly, and suddenly her appetite was gone. Coal rested her chin on her paws and drifted into her thoughts, trying very hard to think of anything besides her son in an effort to not waste food.

Their clan had grown in numbers so quickly. Normally kits would be a blessing to the clan, but as she neared the fresh kill pile, Robinpaw hardly attempted to control the curl of her lip. The cave was usually bathed in the familiar stench of Skyclan's scent. Born Skyclan warriors and kin scent made the dens welcoming and comforting. But foreign stenches now caused her nose to twitch. Coal and her kits danced about so casually in this foreign home. She wasn't sure how they could be so at ease to even snatch their own prey that had been caught by the patrols who spent all day out in the heat. The apprentice wasn't about to hunt for other clans. It would be as absurd for her to settle down next to the frogs of Shadowclan. She had to respect Silverstar and his decisions, though, even if she did not agree.

Her own choice was a bony sparrow. The slender twigs of its frame were easy to pick out from underneath the feathers. Subconsciously, her deep amber eyes sized up Coal. Robinpaw lay across the clearing. It was a slow, methodical process to pull away the feathers from soft flesh to expose the meal. Once she finished, the apprentice would make sure the other queens had it to line their nests. Shadowclan cats were better suited to the muck and thorns of their own territory. Maybe Lionflame would be kind enough as their father to go out and hunt for what would remind them of home. For a brief moment she contemplated whether that was a kind or cynical thought. Regardless, it drifted from her head as she stared at the cats ahead of her. How strange it was to have non-Skyclanners drift so carelessly through the camp. Unnatural.

Breezebranch entered the camp, pausing to give a nod to Briarshine and Smallpaw. Then she saw a sleek black pelt. Delight shot up her spine, and she had to refrain from dashing across the clearing to her. The tortoiseshell-tabby molly was ecstatic to have Coalspark in camp. She wasn't Coal simply because she wasn't a Clan cat. Firestar had gifted her a warrior's name, not Magpiewing. Besides, if she were a loner, Coalspark would have the luxury of choosing her own name. Why, if she wanted, she could be Coalstar! As for the kits, it was more than unfair he change the names of kittens so young; and, not to mention, Coalspark was the one to decide their names!

However, names weren't of such importance, really. A name doesn't describe a cat, and neither does a Clan. Waving her tail in greeting, depositing the squirrel she car red in her maw on the fresh-kill pile, she padded over to the sleek molly, "Good morning, sweetpea. Did you sleep well? I hope you feel comfortable here soon enough. Why, I'm sure everyone will simply love you once they get over their shock!"

With a mischievous grin, she nudged Coalspark and snorted, "They can be rather oneminded!"

The sudden arrival of the ShadowClan queen and the reveal that her kits were halfclan— and half SkyClan at that— had, well, confused Sunpaw.
The very thought that one of the warriors of his Clan, one of the cats he had looked up to and dreamt of fighting alongside since the moment he had opened his eyes, had broken the trust of his clan and the sacred teachings of the warrior code would have once been laughable. But now, sitting in front of the nursery and picking apart SkyClan prey was the proof that his kithood heroes were fallible, and that was hard for him to wrap his head around.
The ginger tom had done his best to stay away from the new arrivals since Silverstar had made his decision to let them stay. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it— on one paw, Coal and Lionflame had broken the warrior code and should be punished for their affair. On the other, the warrior code also said to protect all kits— surely, that included halfclan kits.
He watched them from across the clearing, his amber eyes soft as he watched the queen with her kits. Breezebranch soon joined them, and the sight of the kind she-cat helped soothe some of Sunpaw’s doubts. Breezebranch had always been good to him and the rest of the Clan, and if she trusted Coal, then that would be enough for him. Besides, even if Coal was from ShadowClan, she had brought SkyClan healthy kits— and healthy kits were always a good sign, right?

A large yawn split his maw into two, pink tongue curling amidst sharp teeth and rounded ears flattening against his broad head. He'd spent the night in the warriors den, an unfortunate side effect of the cramped area that the nursery occupied, but it hadn't been a very restful night at all. He felt a brief pang of pity for his mother and brother at his inability to sleep that night and was completely ready to receive any amount of an annoyed rant at how he kept them up too, before Lionflame decided it might be for the best if he went to visit Coal. Gently rising to his paws, he stepped in between the sleeping forms of his clanmates before stepping out into the camp, breathing in a wave of fresher, slightly cooler air. The cream tom yawned once more, arching his back in a luxurious stretch before making his way to the nursery, surprise lighting up azure eyes as his mate stepped out.

He watched as she nervously took prey, wondering if she felt any guilt for taking it. Coalspark - sorry, Coal, had shown to have feelings deeper than he could've fathomed for practically everything and anything, and he assumed her lack of ability to provide was ruffling her fur the wrong way to some extent. Before he could react, Breezebranch had bundled her way over and began excitedly talking to the queen, and he wondered for a moment if that was the right approach with the gentle sadness displayed across her face. Shaking his head, he spared a glance at his other clanmates that had begun to occupy the clearing, noticing the narrowed eyes of Robinpaw and watchful gaze of Sunpaw. Choosing to ignore them for now, his heart sped up a little as he walked over to Coal, but it abruptly settled as she seemed to deflate, and he settled down next to her wordlessly, although the tom did give her ear a quick lick. "Hey Coal," his voice was soft and deep and a gentle purr backed it, as listless as she looked currently he still found himself in complete and utter adoration of her. "How are the kits?" he queried, taking another look at her before deciding to ask, "And how are you?"

Shrikethorn could think of few things that could make her lose her appetite quicker than the sickeningly sweet tone of Breezebranch's voice. While she had originally been planning to grab something to eat before joining Robinpaw, she skipped the fresh-kill pile after hearing the queen's voice. Her green eyes flashed as her sharp ears picked up the 'joke' that Breezebranch cracked about being one-minded.

"I didn't realize being loyal to our Clan made us one-minded," she mumbled as she reached her apprentice and settled herself next to her. Perhaps some cats in the Clan would think that the grumpy Shrikethorn had made her apprentice agree with her opinions, but the young warrior knew that she had just gotten undeniably lucky in that Robinpaw had similar views to her own. StarClan had clearly decided to bless her. Probably because she wasn't betraying her Clan.

Breezebranch, a she-cat known for her motherly ways, was quick to jump into supporting their supposed new clanmates. Considering such fragrant disregard for the code with such ease was simply an impossibility for a she-cat like Robinpaw. The apprentice found her teeth clenched at the remark that her clanmate made. If it weren't for her mentor settling down at her side, it was likely that she might have simply taken her prey and left. Since kithood, her dedication had been to the clan and her fellow Skyclanners and nothing else. To think that Breezebranch would find that to be simplistic or trivial was rather insulting and confusing all at once. She tucked one paw underneath her and slid the plucked bird to Shrikethorn. The warrior's retort was one she agreed with. They were born with similar, loyal allegiances. Allowing her gaze to drift to the cavern floor, Robinpaw ground out a low response meant for the other cat's ears only, "Silverstar's word is law. They're lucky he is a more merciful tom than Shadowclan's leader."

Deep within the fathoms of Acornpaw's chest, there was a slight prick of emotion wedged profound and cruel- a nagging ache centered low and hot within her heart, easily tearing muscle at the incumbent movement of her pulse.

She was confused, undeniably a little hurt. Witnessing the incriminating details of her elder brother's secretive affairs had dredged up all the sore and sour thoughts of her own heritage, the cloying stench of her own mother's lies. It made her restless and fretful, unable to sleep or eat. It made her scared. It made her embarrassed, ashamed of something about her that was inherently wrong in the eyes of others. Not to mention the slightly bitter envy she felt that the relationship was hidden from her, despite the fact that Lionflame had been the only claim to a father she had ever experienced; her faith in him so intent and all-consuming that her trust was as intrinsic as breathing.

Mechanically following in the slow steps of Lionflame, the little tortoiseshell paused as they came upon Coal, unsure of the standing between the mollies. Her knowledge of the ShadowClan exile was superficial at best, only perpetuated by the occasional bits of conversations and furtive gossip caught during her idle listening. There was a somber furrow between the delicate arch of Coal's features, a heaviness laden upon the dark she-cat's shoulders that made her heart clench in sympathy. Acornpaw couldn't fathom the concept of losing her name, losing her home, all for the crime of loving another cat. Sparing Breezebranch a gentle nuzzle below the chin, and giving Coal a tentative bump between the ears, the small tortoiseshell was quick to retreat from the admittedly private atmosphere blossoming between the star-crossed lovers.

Skirting the fringes of her idling Clanmates who seemed to drape themselves across the soft earth of the cavern, blissfully content to watch the spectacle of Coal, Acornpaw's frenetic pulse heightened as she cautiously approached Robinpaw and Shrikethorn. The defensiveness was innate, immediately sparking within her blood at the sight of her friend and Clanmate so evidently judgmental about her family's actions. The sight of Robinpaw's partially pulled apart meal only made her more nauseous, throat and belly instinctively tightening up.

"I hope you're not being too mean to my kin." Acornpaw eventually mewed, the teasing tone blatantly strained as she attempted to seek out Robinpaw's thoughts on the situation- evidently uncaring towards whatever thoughts of criticisms were held by Shrikethorn. Her heart clenched tightly, lungs constricting to the point of anguish, at the prospect of her friend simply disliking cats like... her.

Tiger waited a few moments, feigning deep slumber, as his mother left the nursery in search of a meal. The days following their departure had been slow and lonely, as he and his littermates were surrounded by strange cats that he could not begin to remember the names of. When they called his mother Coal, he felt unrest in his stomach, the churning and twisting of something very wrong. He did not like when they called him Tiger. But it was the only name he had. They were rogues, outcasts, exiles, running from a far-away place called ShadowClan. His mother had sinned, and he was the product of that misdeed. It sank his heart like a stone, the thought that his punishment was hers to share. But there was nothing in ShadowClan. It was a wicked, terrible place. Why would they punish him for needing his mother? Why was her undoing his to share?

Though the names "Coal" and "Tiger" stank like crowfood in his mind, following him like a scent trail, there was no worse name than Coalspark. Tiger wanted to forget. He wanted to rub the marsh-scent that still lingered off of his coat, replacing it with pine needles and sap. He wished that he didn't share Coal's large eyes, the ones that reminded him that he came from a place where they hunt without sunshine. Every time he looked at her, he saw her face when she told them they were leaving. He hadn't reckoned with being shut out until that first night in SkyClan's nursery. He couldn't be shut out again... it was bad enough being a prisoner in this strange section of the forest. If his father really did live here, then he was their clanmate, right? At least in some little way? Tiger padded up to the group that was forming near his mother. He sat away from her, rolling onto his side and lapping at a wide paw. They were talking about things he didn't understand. He knew where he was, though.

"I-Is SkyClan a good Clan?" he asked, timid squeak sharp against the low murmurs of the more mature cats. Tiger was suddenly unsure of himself, lowering his head down to the ground, shuffling his tail from side to side. His amber eyes swept in Robinpaw's direction as he observed her, wondering if he was told her name or if he forgot. "You have legs like mine," he said, more quietly. "My mama's legs are skinny. Mine are big, like those. Is that what SkyClan legs look like?" He glanced up at the apprentice's face, expression becoming more desperate. "I want to be SkyClan. Like you, like my papa. I don't want to be exiled. Do you think Silverstar is gonna let me?"

Aurous eyes watched the clearing come to life with cats the owner didn't even know half of the names of. This fact made Coal even more self-conscious than she normally was; not that she acted her insecurities, but it made her dwindling appetite vanish entirely. She didn't even know who the cats were that were judging her, judging her kits, and it made her want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Once again Breezebranch's pervasive cheerfulness caught the she-cat off-guard, whether it was because she was unable to share in it or because she wasn't used to it she wasn't exactly sure. "Good morning," Coal replied simply as the molly chattered away, grateful for her presence but feeling like even more of a sore thumb than before.

The sleek black she-cat bumped her head into Lionflame's fluffy but solid shoulder as he settled down next to her, pushing the bird she'd brought with her over to him. "The kits seem... better." Her response came after a few heartbeats, and if she had heard the second question, she didn't acknowledge it. Another cat entered the main area of the camp, the disdain wafting off of her nearly physical in its intensity. Coal's ears drooped a little more before she could think to control herself, manually perking them back up and flicking them to hopefully pass it off.

In her distraction by the other new arrival, Coal had failed to notice the tortoiseshell apprentice that followed behind her mate. She got halfway through the process of analyzing her intentions before the other she-cat nuzzled Breezebranch, halting her mental gymnastics in their place. It was the following bump that made her freeze, though, breath caught in her throat. The soot-colored cat had to remind herself to exhale properly as she watched the cat she presumed was one of Lionflame's sisters walk off hesitantly to join a pair of particularly skeptical looking cats.

Coal was not given the opportunity to process that exchange before Tiger's voice caught her ears. She rapidly quashed the instinct to pull him away from the white and russet apprentice he was speaking with-- she did not want to offend anyone any more than her presence already did. He was allowed to speak with his new Clanmates. So, she stayed put; simply observing the exchange as her mind tore into about five different thought processes.

It took every ounce of her willpower not to sprint out of the cavern right then and there and run far, far from the ears of any cat so that she could scream her inner turmoil into the dirt until her throat was too raw to continue.

Earth was asleep when his mother exited the nursery. However, the stirrings around him soon woke him up. He laid in his nest quietly, not wanting to get up. He didn’t want to face the cats outside. The ones that looked at them strangely. It wasn’t their fault that their papa was a Skyclan cat! After his brother, Tiger rose out of the den, the brown and black kit followed.

He crept out of the den, his dark pelt deeply contrasting the brighter ones of Skyclan. His fur still smelled of the marsh, very faintly, but the new scent of this clan was starting to set in. He wasn’t sure if he liked that. As he walked, his head focusing on the ground, he bumped into a tall leg. Startled, the kit looked up, seeing that it was....what was her name? The one who had been so...motherly around them. She seemed to like them, at the very least. ”Sorry.” he mewed, towards Breezebranch. But he decided that if he had already started to talk with her, he might as well keep the conversation going. ”So...uh...why are you so nice to us and our ma?” he asked, rather bluntly.

Breezebranch's purr grew louder as Lionflame joined them, delighted to see Acornpaw as well, "Good morning, beautiful! I hope you had a pleasant slumber." The mother of the she-cat purred, licking her head, watching in intense happiness as Acornpaw gave Coalspark a friendly nudge. "That's my daughter, she's a bit prickly at times, but she has a good heart." Breezebranch explained.

She watched wearily as Tigerkit approached Robinpaw, but her anxieties were calmed by Acornpaw's presence. She would make sure of his safety, of that much Breezebranch was certain. A second voice- and a bump- caught her attention. One of her other grandkits, Earthkit, had approached, walking directly into her hind leg. A broad smile laced her maw, and she let out a small laugh.

"Oh don't worry about me, little one. I'm just fine, how are you? No trouble in the nursery, I hope? I'm quite well known there, I'm certain I could sort out any rude kittens." The molly told him, amusement in her tone, giving him a wink, as if they shared some devilish secret. "Oh, darling, you don't know? Well, I have many reasons. One being I could never condem love, or mistreat a queen or her kits, no matter the Clan. And the other, well.. It's quite simple, really. Your father, Lionflame, is my son. We're kin."

Before her mentor responded, another cat picked their way across the clearing to stand nearby. Robinpaw quickly recognized the pelt of Acornpaw. It was rare to find herself delighting in the presence of another cat and her eyes darted up to meet the other she-cat expression. But her joy dulled at the abnormally unreadable expression across the tortoiseshell's maw. Robinpaw wasn't the best at picking up on subtle clues or the emotions of others, but the terse response made it obvious. Her ears fell. The fact that this was Acornpaw's kin hadn't occurred to her. Running her tongue along her teeth, she hesitated to respond. Just because Acornpaw was related to these cats didn't mean disloyal nature ran through blood, right?

Her eyes bore into Acornpaw for a moment, trying to find the right words to say in response but tact and speech were not her specialty. There came a soft prying voice that made her ears twitch. As she looked down, there was a little kit. His presence seemed smaller than it physically was and his tail scuffed the earth. She sized him up for a moment, finding part of her own being softening ever so slightly at his appeal. Even if he was bred from cats of different clans, it was the parent's code-breaking that should have been more harshly punished; Tiger didn't deserve to suffer the sins of his father. Her teeth clenched at the churning in her stomach and her own beliefs shifting ever so slightly with the little tom right under her nose. She stared at him for a moment, blinking once before glancing to Acornpaw.

"Silverstar will let you stay, you are clearly Skyclan. You may have to prove your loyalties to others, though, kit. Make sure you prove yourself."

Earth listened curiously to the she-cat. Something about her was comforting, like his ma, in a way. ”Not really...a few of ‘em give me funny looks, one wrinkled his nose at me because I smelled different. But it’s ok.” mewed the brown and black kit with a shrug. ”They mostly just avoid me, I think. But that’s ok. I have Tiger, and Amber, and ma.” And Lionflame, but they hadn’t really met. He didn’t even know what his father was like, to be honest.

”That’s nice. I know some of them don’t like us because ma is from Shadowclan, and so were we. What’s pa like? I haven’t talked to him, and ma didn’t say much. But I guess if she likes him, and he has a nice ma, maybe he isn’t so bad?” he asked, the compliment slid wasn’t even purposeful.