You are loved

deer wrote:

Lilypaw listened to the medicine cat. If he was going to be chased out, it would be peacefully. That should have consoled the poor apprentice, but it really didn’t. Hawkflight’s statement really struck the realization. She had lost. She listened to her mentor speak, and nodded in acknowledgement. Finally, her mother leaned towards her, and spoke. Lilypaw listened,  and her eyes started to glisten with tears. She leaned against the warrior, their pelts blending together. Everything that she said, she understood. Again, just as she had done before, she whispered to Breezebranch. ”I’m sorry.” a tear ran down her face, followed with others. They splashed onto her mother. Lilypaw’s heart had been ripped in two. She was sad, scared, confused, and every other remorseful emotion. She knew she probably would never see Smoke again, and that she had caused so much pain and fear. Her sister, scared to sleep. She had hurt them. She had hurt everyone. It was her fault. These thoughts raced through her mind, like a cool, swift breeze. The gaze of everyone had landed on her. ”I...can’t!” she mewed, and without thinking, she raced off. She ran away from the cats gathered, away from everyone. She didn’t know where to go. The territory was forbidden to her alone, so she crawled into her nest in the apprentice den. She curled up, sobbing into her pelt, blocking out the sounds of the meeting. She felt awful about it. Smoke was all alone, and he would be cast out. But he had scared almost everyone who had spoke out, and countless others. Sorrelpaw had been killed because of her. Everything felt heavy, crashing down, onto her. A stream tears continued to wet her tail, the one she had wrapped herself around. She knew they would come down to get her, but she wasn’t ready. She felt as though she had betrayed everyone. Breezebranch said she always loved her, but Lilypaw doubted even that. She wondered how anyone would ever forgive her.

Icepaw listened to his mother's speech intently, but his eyes were elsewhere. He watched his sister carefully, anguished at her obvious distress. He knew this wouldn't be easy for her, but she was taking it worse than he expected. What exactly did Smoke say to get to make her so upset like this? As he watched, Lilypaw suddenly stood and darted from the meeting, her fluffy tail disappearing into the apprentice den. Icepaw carefully stepped through the group of cats and stepped inside the den. Not knowing what say, the snowy tom simply laid down beside Lilypaw and wrapped himself around her, reading his chin on her shoulder. He didn't spend as much time with his younger siblings as he should, and even though she was bigger now, it still struck him how much smaller she was than him. I should have been w watching out for her. I should have protected her. "I'm sorry," Icepaw muttered quietly.

The tortoiseshell tabby looked up, sniffling. ”Icepaw?” she asked. Lilypaw wasn’t sure why her older brother was here, yet it was nice to have someone beside her. ”It’s okay.” she gave him a nudge with her muzzle. Her crying ceased. She couldn’t hear what was happening up there, but it didn’t seem good for Smoke. She would miss him deeply.

"Lily? Ice?" The scared whisper came, echoing the breeze of the trees in similarity. Mudpaw had seemed more scared than normal these past few days, constantly glancing over her shoulder, as if waiting to be attacked. Throughout her mother's speech, Mudpaw felt more and more attached to Breezebranch, as each time she listed a reason, Mudpaw and her littermates (along with other kits and apprentices) were at the heart of it. Her concern for her kits was moving, and she couldn't help but tear up at just how deeply and truly her mother loved her. She was lucky to have her.

But Lilypaw reacted differently, she'd run away, off into the apprentices' den, and without any hesitation, Icepaw, her older brother, and herself had run after her. "Are you okay?" She asked, coming up to sit at her sister's other side, giving Icepaw a tiny nudge of love.

Icepaw was quiet for a moment, then sighed. "Everything feels like the end when you're young. I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but it will get better. Lilypaw, whatever he told you... Smoke couldn't have really loved you, but I do. I may not show it, but I've loved you from the moment you all were born. I'm your brother and I haven't protected you like I should have. I'm not making that mistake again. Lilypaw, will you let me guard your heart? Will you let me live you?" he asked her gently, not sure if she even really understood what he was asking. He wanted to make sure no tom ever hurt her again. Icepaw then looked over to Mudpaw. "You too. If you ever feel scared or you're hurting, come find me and I'll protect you."

Lilypaw watched as her sister came in. She had been scared, because of Lilypaw’s actions. ”Mudpaw, I’m sorry.” she mewed, her eyes starting to glisten again. She had never meant for any of this. Icepaw’s statement made a small smile spread on her face. ”I don’t deserve siblings like you guys, you know that?” she mewed. They were so kind to her even after she had hurt them by befriending Smoke. She pulled closer to them.

"You guys are the only family I have," Icepaw said with a pained smile. "If I don't take care of you guys, I don't have anyone else. Nothing is more than family."

Mudpaw buried her muzzle in Lilypaw's pelt, breathing in her scent. Her long, plumy tail brushed over Icepaw's shoulder. "You don't have to be sorry. I love you. There's no need to apologize." She mewed, tilting her head as if confused. "We'll always be family. We're meant to be. We'll always have each other, even when we join papa in the stars." Mudpaw mewed, matter-of-factly. She smiled at Icepaw. "If you take care of us, we'll have to take care of you, Ice!"

Lilypaw smiled at her brother. ”You are just as much a part of the family as anyone!” she mewed. Mudpaw’s words consoled her. ”Thanks, but it’s my fault everyone was scared. I let in Smoke. I scared you, and Brindlepaw, and Momma, and everyone!” her voice rumbled in dismay. She pressed against her sister.